Aftermath
by LexxieKra
Summary: Dirk Strider is living in the aftermath of having the only man he ever loved, Jake English, die in his arms. Will Dirk be able to keep himself together for the people who love him and a shot at happiness in the future or will he let the pain of the past control the rest of his life? TW:Major-charcter death. TW:sadness. TW:sadstuck
1. WAKING UP WITHOUT YOU JUST ISN'T RIGHT

your chest tightened as the first tear slipped down your cheek

"please don't leave me" you whispered into his shoulder, his ragged breaths becomeing more and more shallow.

"it's alright, Old Chap" He whispered back, his voice hoarse.

"Jake, you can't leave, not here, not like this" voice begining to crack, you buried your face deeper into the crook of his neck, tears now freely falling.

"Dirk, I'm not going anywhere, I promi" He was cut off by a harsh cough, the blood from the wound in his chest dripping onto your hand. He tried to smile at you and he stilled, you shook him gently. His eyes stared at the sky, seeing nothing, his shallow breaths had stopped. you lowered him out of your lap and laid him on the ground, pressing your forehead to his, you let go of his hand for the last time. you pressed a kiss to the to top of his head and unclipped the gun from it's holder on his hip. Cocking the small pistol, you put it under your chin and closed your eyes. you screamed out at the sky and pulled, and then nothing. opening your eyes, you were still there, kneeling on a dirty back ally in a puddle of blood still seeping from the man you loved. you blinked and popped the cartridge, Empty. you laughed out of sheer defeat and collapsed onto the ground.

"you couldn't even let me go with you, god damnit"

"Jakey! Dirky! Where are you?" Roxy called out from a distance away, you glanced at the corpse of the man who stabbed Jake, his neck at an awkward angle from where you snapped it in your previous blind rage. you just laid on the ground and felt like you couldn't breathe until you saw Roxy's and Jane's shoes come into view and you heard them scream.

you shot up in bed, your fists gripping the sheets so tightly that your knuckles hurt, you took a deep breath and ran your fingers through your messy hair. Just the dream again, Same dream every night. you sat in bed until you heard your phone ring from the bedside table, the pink cat symbol lit up the screen alerting you to it being Roxy, you sighed and threw the covers off yourself, Padding down the hallway to the kitchen you turned on the coffee pot and sat down at the table, watching the drip, drip, drip of the coffee. It was going to be another long day.


	2. TO SLEEP WITH ONLY MEMORIES

The pounding on the door jerked you from your spot on the couch, not having meant to fall asleep you glanced at the clock. It's almost midnight, who the hell would be here at this hour?

"Dirk Strider. I swear to Jegus if you do not open this door right now, I'll get Equius here to fucking break it down" Roxy huffed from the other side of the door, her voice sounding surprisingly sober. You sigh and hop up, adjusting your glasses as you undid the locks and swung the door open. Leaning against the door frame, you ran a hand through your messy blonde hair. Roxy looked up from her phone, you could hear Equius on the other end of the call.

"Roxy? Did you need something? Hello?" before she hung up. She instantly wrapped her arms around you and hugged you until you thought her arms where going to break. She then scooted past you and sat on her favourite spot on the couch.

"Dirky, We're all worried about you. Hardly anyone has seen you in months, you can't stay in this apartment forever" Roxy said, her face seeming older looking than you remembered.

You shut the door with your hip and cross the room, plopping down in one of the chairs beside the couch, you took of your glasses and tossed them on the table. Roxy as always unflinching at their neon orange orbs.

"Rox, I'm sorry, I just can't-" You where cut off by her hand over your mouth

"No more apolagies, Mr. strider, no more avoiding us. We loved him too, and I know you of all people deserve to take this the hardest, but I will not let my best friend waste away, I won't let you forget the sun, just like you promised you would do the same for me" your mind flashed back vaguely to the promise made in high school over empty bottles and teared covered shirts. The night you first told Jake you loved him. Roxy must have seen something flash in your eyes because she had pulled you onto the couch, she sat there holding you. Despite your best protests, tears started to spill out. Roxy suddenly perked up, planting a kiss on your forehead.

"Go get in the car, Janey and Dave are there, okay?" you just nod, knowing better to question when Roxy when you could see the gears turning in her head like this. You got on your shoes and shades and wiped your eyes a few good times for good measure and walked out of your apartment for the first time in weeks. You took the elevator down, not feeling like taking the hella flights of stairs. You walked over to Jane's blue jeep and got into the passenger seat, Jane leaning over and hugging you. From the back seat, your younger brother shot you a nod and a sup. His version of showing worry, you almost crack a smile as you thought maybe you raised him a little too well. After a few minutes of silence that was actually a little awkward, Roxy came skipping out of the door with two suitcases in hand. she tossed them into the very back of the jeep and climbed in beside Dave.

"Alright Janey, back to the house!" Roxy proclaimed, buckling her seat belt. motioning for you do the same. You clicked in and started to get a little worried. Knowing Roxy, this was gonna be interesting.


	3. GETS HARDER EVERY NIGHT

You pull up to Roxy's house, it's a large Victorian style painted white with pink shutters. You smile a little at the familiar old house and climb out. Roxy grabs the bags and after planting a kiss on the cheek of both Jane and Dave, pulled you up the pink walkway and into the house. She dissapeared upstairs after leading you to the living room, coming back down without the suitcases, she sat on the coffee table and leaned her head on her knee.

"So Strider, you will stay with me for as long as necessary and I won't hear anything about it, got that?" she said, before, you would have been forty shades of hell no. Yeah Roxy has been your closest friend since elementary school, but this whole situation would have struck old you as hell no. but instead you just gave an emotionless "okay" and sat on the couch, Roxy making popcorn and bringing out a bottle of dark, licorice tasting liquor. You two sit there all night drinking and trying to get popcorn into the others mouth. You watch a few bad movies, Roxy knows in a weird way that will cheer you up. By the end of the night, you are laughing so hard your lungs hurt.

"Dirk, It's time to leave." Roxy said, placing a hand onto your shoulder from where you stood, staring down at the patch of soil that held him. It was july, and hot as hell inside of your suit, but you didn't care. You tried your best not to cry as Roxy petted your hair. You fail misrably, sinking to your knees in front of the grave site. You take off your glasses, and scoot some of the dirt aside. You place the glasses inside the hole and cover them up. There, now he'll always have a little piece of you.

"Dirk" Roxy's voice once again roused you from sleep. You opened your eyes and found that you where in fact, still dreaming. You where 17 years old, you sat on a hill outside of a large sprawling house that held the end of the year party hosted by none other than your brothers friend Kanaya. Roxy had insisted you come along. Now you severely wish you hadn't.

"Dirkyyyy" Roxy slurred from her spot beside you in the grass. She handed you the half empty tequila bottle, you drained it and tossed into the small pile of bottles in front of you. You tipped your head back and laid it on Roxy's knee. You had told him. You had finally told him you loved him, and then a tiny redhead girl came up behind him and snaked her arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder. That's when you turned around and ran, Roxy found you an hour later sitting on this hill. She sat with you and listened, even when you weren't saying anything.

"Roxy" you said, turning towards the blonde girl, her pink minidress covered in grass stains. She glanced down at you and smiled

"Don't ever let me forget the sun" you mummered slightly. you knew she would understand what you meant, and she did. She held up her pinky, smile broadening when you looped yours with hers.

"Only if you do the same for me, Dirky" She mumbled, leaning her head against your shoulder, our pinky's still intertwined.

"Yo, dude wake up" This time it was Dave's husky voice who woke him from his dream, he opened his eyes to see Roxy's house, he glanced down and seen Roxy passed out, using his lap as a pillow, the bottle still in her hand.

"What's up" you say, untangling yourself from the still asleep girl. Walking into the kitchen you make some coffee while he follows after you. He hops up on the counter and crosses his legs under him.

"I'm glad you are going along with Roxy's thing here, It's gonna be good for you" he said. facial expression unchanging behind his shades.

"I think so too, Lil man." you smacked him on the shoulder and a small smile pushed it's way out of you.

"I think so too"


	4. AND SOMETIMES I THINK I CAN FEEL YOU

A few weeks have passed since Roxy kidnapped you, and to be honest you were feeling kinda better. you were laughing now, joking around with Dave, Jane and Roxy, yet you were nervous for the first time since Dave was born. Because of all the things they could have got you into, you had a date tonight. They wouldn't tell you anything about him, which was frustrating but you knew they had your best interests. in theory anyway.

You stood in your room and fidgeted with the hem of your t-shirt, rolling your eyes at yourself and grabbing your jacket and shades, you walked out.

By the time you had pulled up to the restaurant, you were becoming less and less ecstatic about this. Giving a mental pep talk, you opened the car door and flash stepped to the restaurant door. Inside you found Dave with a shorter guy at his side, waiting for you. The shorter guy looked around Dave's age, and had a big goofy bucktooth smile on his face. Steering the smaller man towards you, Dave made the introduction short and sweet before promptly bailing the fuck out of there.

"Bro, This is John, John, this is my bro" he said, most of him already out of the door.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Strider, Dave's told me a lot about you" John said, running his hands awkwardly through his hair. The way he did it made his hair stick up a little, you guess he was kind of cute.

"Call me Dirk, and I wish I could say the same" your words pulled an awkward blush out of him. He gestured towards the stuffy restaurant, and you shook your head.

"Nah, this place is kinda boring, there's a carnival in town, I was going to see if you wanted to go there instead" John grinned and nodded, following you out the door and into the car.

This was really fucking awkward, the awkwardness lasted a whole ten minutes before John started singing, badly, along with the radio. You smiled and before the end of the song he had you singing along too. Maybe this date thing wouldn't be so bad.

~~Whoo!~~

Standing in the middle of the carnival several hours later, you where holding a stick of cotten candy while John got himself a deep fried oreo.

"These things are like heaven on a stick" he said, appearing beside you and plopping down onto the ground. You sit and eat a bit of the fluffy spun sugar before he offers you an oreo and you look at him skeptically, forgetting you had your shades on.

"just try one?" He giggled, still holding out the deep friend mass of cookie, you sigh and pop it into your mouth. It is heaven on a stick. you eat several after this, enough that the guy working the oreo stand know both of you by name. you and John ride a couple more rides, including a ferris wheel which makes you a little nervous when you stop at the top and you can see all of the carnival. your nerves got the better of you when you looked down. John must have noticed, because he slipped his hand over yours where it was clutching the bar. John eventually starts to feel sick from all the rides and deep fried food. You drive him home, the both of you mixing singing with the radio and chatting about life, or the date. you had a pretty damn good time and before long, you where pulling up to John's house. You hop out and flashstep over, opening his door for him and walking him to the front door.

"Well, Goodnight John, I had a lot of fun" You say, turning to leave while he unlocks the door.

"Dirk, wait" you turn around, the ball of nerves gathering again in your stomach.

"I had a great time tonight, besides almost throwing up, but I would really like to do this again" he said, his voice dropping to a whisper as he leaned towards you. You stepped back before the kiss could even get in your proximity.

"I don't know John, I had fun, i just don't know if I can, sorry"you say, turning and jogging down the walkway and tearing off like hell in your car.

Well fuck


	5. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU ARE

You where laying on your stomach in your bed watching some shitty movie on the laptop in front of you when Dave walked in.

"Dude, what are you doing?" He asked, standing beside your bed. You turned your head, wishing you had your shades on. You didn't want Dave to know you where moping.

"Watching a movie" you nod back at the laptop where you can hear cheesy screams as the zombies finally caught up with a character.

"Well, you're supposed to be getting ready" he said, going to the dresser and tossing orange skinny jeans and a black tank top at you.

"ready for what?" you inquire and you roll over and sit up in time to catch the clothes he tossed at you

"For you're date with John?" he made a hand motion like this was this most obvious thing in the world. You gaped at him as he crossed the room and exited. You tried to figure out what was going on before you where scrambling out of bed to get dressed. You shoved the clothes you where wearing off and wiggled into the jeans, slipping the shirt on and trying to fix your hair at the same time made you almost trip over the previously discarded pants. you finally looked good enough for your approval and you grabbed your shades and jacket, throwing on your converse before practically running downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, You find John in jeans and a shirt depicting some kind of movie on it, on the couch between Roxy and Dave. All three of them where laughing and the blondes noticed you before John did. John glanced up and a smile stuck on his face, He hopped up and strode over to you.

"ready to go?" you gave him a nod and both of you waved bye to Dave and Roxy, who had gone back to laughing.

You walked outside to find a black car waiting for you, John slipped into the driver seat while you took shotgun.

"I really didn't think you had wanted to see me again" you say, giving an awkward shrug

"Well, I was a little embarrassed, but Dave explained a few things, and I decided that I would love to spend another evening in the company of Dirk Strider" he returned the shrug, smiling at you when you blushed. he pulled out of the driveway and drove a few miles before conversation started to pick up. The awkward feeling in your gut soon dissapeared and you where laughing at some joke he had made when you pulled into the parking lot of an observatory. You glanced over at him and he shrugged, turning of the car and hopping out. You followed beside him as he entered, motioning you to follow him down a hallway full of pictures of planets and other science stuff. He made it to the little desk and the woman working it must have recognized him because she smiled and stood up to pull him into a hug before he had to mumble

"Jade, can't breathe"

"Sorry John! I just got so excited, anyway here are your tickets, enjoy it." she giggled as she let go of him and slid him two narrow pieces of paper. Another set of doors later, you gave your tickets to the man requesting them and had found seats.

"So is this a movie or?..." you asked quizzically, not really understanding the reason of this location. John opened his mouth to speak just as the first cord blared out, a few seconds later a beat picked up and the lasers started. You almost laughed, A laser light show. You smiled at John and watched the lasers bounce off the walls in tune to the music. The show lasted about two hours, and you don't know when, but at some point your hand and Johns had come together, fingers laced and him rubbing small circled into your hand.


	6. I'LL HOLD YOU AGAIN

Rushing around the kitchen of Roxy's house, a kiss the cook apron tied around your waist as you tried, much to Dave and Jane's amusement, to cook. John would be here in a few hours, and you still had no idea what you were doing. Roxy eventually tottered down the steps and stretched, she had been on a hacking spree for some company and it showed. she looked tired and wore pink boxers with cats on them and a black tank top, she ambled into the kitchen. Hip checking you out of the way of what you were stirring on the stove, She stirred and dropped a few spices from the upper cabinet into the pan, she enlisted jane to bake some kind of desert and Jane joined in the flurry of ingredients as you sat next to your brother and groaned, laying your head on the table. Beside you, Dave smiled and patted your shoulder

"Glad to see that you at least like him" you flipped him off and grinned, a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach. Before long, the girls had all of the food done, Roxy had turned your crappy attempt at noodles into some kind of Thai dish and Jane had made from scratch an angel food cake with cream cheese frosting. You thanked them both before dashing upstairs and taking a shower, letting the hot water calm some of your nerves. Getting to your room, you slipped on your favourite pair of dark orange skinny jeans, a t-shirt and one of your favorite hoodies.

Getting downstairs you seen John's car pull up in the driveway and glanced up just in time to see Dave's back as he followed the girls upstairs, the voices cut off when Roxy shut her door.

You let john in and closed the door behind the wet october afternoon and him, he followed his nose to the kitchen and found the display of food, along with a bottle of wine, a bottle of AJ and a pitcher or kool-aid. He turned towards you and threw his arms around your neck, pulling you down for a hug before pulling back and staring at your eyes through the shades.

"it's absolutely perfect" he said, giving you a big, bucktooth grin that made your stomach do little flips. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him back against you, returning the hug before letting him go and gesturing at the table. You both sat down and had a glass of wine each, along with AJ for you and kool-aid for him. By the time you were both done and ready for dessert, you had learned about his living with his dad in washington before moving out to Georgia for college, how he had been friends with Dave and Rose for several years before hand, how excited he got when Dave told him that you, Dave and Jake where moving down here to be closer to Roxy and Jane. Him saying Jake's name struck a chord in your chest and it felt like your lungs had stopped working, when you didn't say anything John noticed he must have said something wrong, you could see him going over it in his head, mentally smacking himself when he caught onto what he said. He stood up and wrapped his arms around your shoulder again, this time having to lean down since you were still sitting.

"I'm really sorry, i was rambling and i wasn't paying attention to what my big mouth was sayi-" he was cut off by you turning and pulling him into your lap, wrapping your arms around him. You hid your face in the crook of his neck for a minute before pulling back and smiling at him.

"It's alright, but what isn't is that we are letting that hella amazing cake go to waste right now" John smiled at him, his blues eyes filling with relief, and then curiosity.

"Dirk, what do your eyes look like?" he asked, making a blush creep up your neck and you coughed awkwardly, letting go off him and letting, somewhat regrettably, get out of your lap. you just shrugged and went about cutting the cake, after a few moments of deafening silence, the conversation picked back up. Soon followed by laughter around mouthfuls of cake and a spilled drink later, the butterflies started flinging themselves back around in your stomach.


	7. DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS BED

After dinner was done, you and John had ventured out to the woods behind Roxy's house. It as getting colder as it got near the end of October, and the leaves where turning a wide variety of oranges, yellows, and browns. John had fallen back into the habit he seemed to have of talking a mile a minute, and while you weren't really sure what he was talking about at this point, you liked his voice, it's soft sound making your heart beat a little faster. You couldn't help but crack a smile when you seen John shiver, you didn't think it was cold out, but the end of the year air was a very different effect on your date. You shrugged out of your hoodie and slipped it onto Johns shoulders, he almost instantly stopped shivering as he put his arms through and let the long h dwarf him. He reached out and you met him halfway, your fingers interlocking with his, his fingers were cold enough to make you wonder how he ever survived the winters in washington. eventually you made it to the pond that sat far back from Roxy's house, the trees , while leafless, were still so thick that no light came from the overly lit house. The only light shining on the swaying surface of the water was the barely there sliver of a waning moon. John stepped closer to you and you wrapped your arms around him when you felt another shiver hit through his small frame. He nuzzled deeper into your hoodie and relaxed against you. Eventually he turned around in your arms and stared up at you until you dropped your gaze from the bright moon to his blue eyes. He slowly inched up until his face was almost against yours, you sighed and tilted your head over, resting your face against his shoulder.  
"John, I don't know if I can" you whisper, you feel his shoulders tense up underneath your arms and you feel his hands grasp either side of your head. he brings your face up so you're looking eyes to shades and he holds you there.  
"Dirk, you can, everything and so much more" he said, his voice raspy as he smashed his lips against yours. Everything in the world froze for a minute, time just stopped for you. The water stopped moving, the crickets stopped cracking, all you could focus on was this man in front of you with his lips against yours. A bubble deep inside of you burst, and you felt a hundred different emotions inside you at once. mostly pure, incomprehensible happiness. Time snapped back to it's normal pace as you pressed your lips back against his, small bits of electricity running through you everywhere he the kiss was broke, you both pulled back and breathing heavy. A huge smile plastered on both of your faces as you rested your forehead against his. you planted small kisses to his cheeks until you heard Jane call out from the house.  
You chuckle and intertwine your fingers back with his, making your way through the slightly darker than before woods. by the time you reached the house, the smile still hadn't left your face and you were kinda beginning to think it never would.


	8. FOR DIRK

John's POV!  
You had been back at your house for an hour and you hadn't moved from your spot on the couch. Your head and heart still spinning from the kiss and the fact that you were still wearing his hoodie. You felt a little creepy when you snuggled down in and took a deep breath, loving that it smelled just like him. you felt a heavy clunk tap your side from the moment, you reached into the pocket and fished out an orange Ipod. you felt your eyes go to frisbees before you shoved it back into the pocket. You had his IPod, which freaked you out a bit. part of you instantly began thinking of all the pranking possibilities, part of you was deadly curious, and part of you felt like you needed to drive over and give it back right now. Of course curiosity won, and so you felt a bit guilty when you slide the unlock screen and the background popped up, revealing a great selfie of Dirk and Dave, with a guy in a white polo and glasses like Dirks wedged between them. All three throwing up a peace sign. It made you smile, you thought Dave was goofy, but you weren't aware it affected his brother so deeply. But who was the guy in the middle? their father, you assume. You Never heard Dave mention a dad, just Dirk and bro, eventually Dave stopped talking about a bro and you never brought it up when he talked about Dirk. You flipped through the songs on his music list, before curiosity really getting you and you flipped a few screens over to the playlists and clicked on most played. the first song instantly catching your attention.

**Alone In This Bed~ Framing Hanley  
**  
You grabbed your earbuds from their spot on your bedside table and plugged them into and slipped them in before tapping on the song. As the song started you felt a wobbling sadness begin to well inside you. The lyrics continued and your eyes started to burn from blinking back tears as you made it to the middle of the song

_I wish I could hear your voice _

_And don't leave me alone in this bed _

_I wish I could touch you once more _

_And don't leave me alone in this bed _

_Not tonight, not tomorrow _

_I've got the feeling that this will never cease _

_Living in these pictures _

_It never comes with ease _

_I swear that if I could make this right _

_You'd be back by now __****_

As the song came to an end, tears were now freely running down your face, and your heart hurt for Dirk. You wiped your face and quickly wiped down your wet glasses before getting an idea and nearly jumping out of your bed to grab your laptop. You connected the Ipod to your computer and synced the song over. You unplugged the Ipod and found the song in the song list and pressing on it until it gave you up the option to edit it. You changed the name and snapped a picture of yourself on the device before locking it and setting it beside your bed on the table with your glasses. You burrowed back into his hoodie and falling asleep humming Taylor swift and Ed Sheeran to yourself.


	9. ALL I KNOW NOW IS SOMETHING I DIDN'T B4

You layed there for a few hours, not being able to sleep with your brain so busy thinking about John, and how much he's amazed you. You didn't really date anyone before Jake, and with how that ended after six years together, you thought you would never get past it. But here you where, for the first time since Jake died, thinking about someone else. It made your stomach flutter and eventually you couldn't stand the silence in the house. You scrambled around for your Ipod, you never really remember where you left that blasted thing, the last place you remembered having it was...in your hoodie..the hoodie you let John wear back to his house. Well crap. You texted him about it and grabbed your laptop. plugging in the headphones you listened to the beat with your eyes closed, head gently bobbing along. You felt the air around you move and your eyes snapped open, and your eyes instantly moved to the person sitting on the other side of your bed. Jake sat there in his Pajamas, hair messy, glasses no where and a huge grin plastered on his face. You sucked in a deep breathe and quickly dropped the headphones off your head and scooted down to him. He grinned even wider when you reached out and touched his arm, solid. and that's when you realized you could feel it, You were dreaming. you must have fallen asleep. You voice this to Jake and he just nods, Attesting that you are indeed, asleep. Still you lean your head against his arm and try to hold onto this moment, you had dreamt about him for a long time, almost every night. But it was never like this, you were mulling through this when he ran his hand through your hair and spoke up.  
"You know, I rather like him" He said, making you look up at him without taking your skin away from his. You raised an eyebrow and he laughed gently, the sound vibrating through his chest and into you.  
"Sorry, I meant John, I like him, I think, all in all, he will be good for you, and you'll be good for him" He explained, still playing with your hair. Finally you sat up, Jake reached over and took off your glasses, sitting them on the bedside table. He liked seeing your eyes. always did.  
"What do you mean Jake?" you asked, making him chuckle again and he turned towards you entirely, tucking his legs under him and resting his hands on his stomach as he leaned back.  
"You need this Dirk, you can't keep hanging onto a dead person, I'm dead, I know it, and I've accepted it, It's actually kind of cool, I made friends with this girl. She's dead too, I think, but that's not the point" He stopped for breath and cracked another smile before continuing.  
"and for long time, I didn't want to accept it, but then I seen John, and i've seen how happy he makes you and I know he can make you extremely happy, and, as a plus, he's not dead. There's some of your sarcasm for you , that was supposed to be a joke, please laugh" You smiled weakly at his words he opened his arms and you happily crawled into them. Feeling the heat roll off him like it always had instantly soothed you.  
"I miss you, Dirk" he said seriously, and all you could manage was to whisper back that you missed him too. After a minute he planted a soft kiss on the top of your head and you sat up, and a little sadly, out of his arms.  
"but here I am going on in a silly long winded speech, all I want to say, Dirk, is Hold onto him. Don't forget that you get the Jake English Afterlife Seal of Approval" and this time you did laugh, because even after all this, even if it was just a dream, Jake still had some of your witticism.  
"This is the last time you'll dream of me, , I do believe i'll go visit the girls one more time, however" he said as he got off the bed and stretched, he winced when his shoulder popped and leaned down and kissed the top of your head one more time before making his way to the door.  
"It's a good life, , don't let what bad things have happened before ruin the good things to come" and then he was gone, the door shutting gently behind him. you sat there watching the hands of your clock go around for several minutes, processing all that happened when a quiet beeping started. You pressed the snooze on the arm clock, but the beeping continued and increased in volume. you pressed the button again and when it continued, you let out a sigh of air. You blinked, your eyes shutting quickly and then not opening. You waited until the slight heaviness went away and you cracked your eyes open to see sunlight filtering in. You quickly shut off the alarm and groaned. Instinctively, you went to rub your face, You hated sleeping with your glasses on, they always made things a little dizzy when you first woke up. But after the first and second swipe. You realized that you weren't wearing them, You stared at your hand for a minute, You know you fell asleep with them on. Hopefully you didn't sleep on them, or break them by accident. It's been known to happen. You started feeling under the blanket and looking on the floor for them when you caught the reflection of them sitting on the edge of the bedside table. Exactly where Jake had put them in your dream.


	10. AND ALL IVE SEEN SINCE 18 HOURS AGO

You eventually got yourself out of bed, checking your phone and after seeing no texts from John, you made your way down the hall to the bathroom, opening the door to find an animated Roxy brushing her teeth and talking a mile a minute into the phone she had glued to her ear.  
"I swear Janey, It was the freakiest thing, he was just sitting on the end of my bed like it was a totes normal thing!" She exclaimed around a mouth full of toothpaste bubbles. You heard Jane say something and all you could make out was  
"it's too early for this Roxy" you were about to comment when your phone buzzed in your pocket. You pulled it out and unlocked it, the picture of you you and Roxy making way to your homescreen and that dumb picture of you and your brothers, it was, in every way, Ironic and unironic all the same time. Hence it was your background for everything, Laptop, phone, Ipod, and speaking of, John apologized and offered to meet up at starbucks to give it back, you agreed since you wanted coffee anyway, and with halloween approaching, starbucks had pumpkin flavoured everything. and you were a sucker for pumpkin stuff. Almost an hour later you were pulling your car into the parking lot, getting out and locking it up, you made your way inside and ordered the largest possible cup of pumpkin spice coffee. The cute girl working behind the counter took your name and started making it, at the same time listening to the man standing beside her complaining about what sounded like his boyfriend. as he talked, She reached over and patted the purple tuff at the front of his hair, making him puff his cheeks and go wipe down the counters. She returned with your cup and a "Have a nice day, glub!" You smiled at the girl and took a seat near the door, waiting for the bucktooth wonder and before long, you seen his car pull in. Taking a long sip, he came up to the window instead of the door and pressed his face against the glass, making a funny face and you couldn't help but crack a smile. he came in and sat down, ordering a drink from the purple hair guy before turning to you. He smiled and reached into the hoodie he was wearing, your hoodie, you noted, and slid your Ipod across the table. you thanked him and slipped it into your back pocket, he smiled and started blushing, admitted he gandered at your music for a while. you got a little pink in the face, seeing as you had some pretty weird stuff in there. weird, sad, and just downright disturbing. John just laughed when you voiced this. You stayed there a few hours, talking about everything before his phone buzzed and he apologized and answered it. You could hear a highpitched voice talking excitingly and several times he had to tell the girl to slow down. Eventually he was able to hang up and he apologized again.  
"Sorry Nepeta needs my help, i'm sorry to cut this short" he said, sliding his phone back into his pocket.  
"nah, its fine, wait, like little Nep, Equius's cat friend?" you asked and John just nodded, getting up and coming over and wrapping his arms around you. you instantly wound yours around him and smiled, he leaned down and kissed your cheek, and you pulled him back down and gently kissed his lips. Making him smile ear to ear and that smile did funny things to both your stomach and your ability to breathe. He didn't make it through the door before the barista girl stopped him, handing him a box and envelope. she watched him drive away before plopping down into the seat john had previously occupied. She held out her hand and you shook it, one eyebrow raised in question.  
"Nice to finally meet you Dirk, I'm Feferi" she stated, glancing back to the where the purple hair guy was stocking cups.  
"Likewise, Feferi" she giggled and dropped your hand,  
"You can call me Fef, and I really should get back to work, but I just wanted to finally meet the man behind the name, John's always talking about you"You smiled and humped in surprise, trying to be smooth and cover it, Making Fef giggle again.  
"Between John talking about you and Eri over there talking about Sollux, I can't get a glubbing break" she laughed saying, pretending to fan herself. "woe is me for all my friends and coworkers to be gays with amazing boyfriends" she laughed and the guy through a cup at her, the styrofoam object hardly making it over the counter.  
"I heard that Fef" she giggled and stood up  
"Yeah I know you did Eri" turning back towards you "it was great to finally meet you, take care of John, alright? he can get a little lost sometimes, and I haven't seen him this happy in a very long time" she waved and made her way back behind the counter, picking up the slain cup as she went. You blinked behind your glasses at her, before grabbing your cup and making your way back to the car. You pulled out your Ipod to see if John had changed anything, the car radio blaring some rock song. You opened your pictures and found a very cute Selfie of John. You smiled at this and flipped over to songs. you plugged up your Ipod to the car and clicked play. A few songs later, a song you hadn't heard before started to play. You pulled over to the side of the road and unlocked your Ipod. The song was just simply labeled  
FOR DIRK.


	11. IS BLUE EYES AND FRECKLES AND YOUR SMILE

_Damn, this story has come a very long way from being a one chapter two in the morning sadstuck drabble. In case you havn't figured it out by now, the Song is Everything has Changed by Ed Sheeran and Taylor swift. Thank y'all for everything, Enjoi!_

_All I knew this morning when I woke_

_Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before._

_And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago_

_Is green eyes and freckles and your smile_

_In the back of my mind making me feel like-_

The song played through the speakers on your car, you recognized the voice as Taylor swift, which made you laugh. You started listening to the words, your car still parked on the side of the road.

_I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now_

_I just wanna know you, know you, know you_

_'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."_

_And your eyes look like coming home_

_All I know is a simple name_

_Everything has changed_

_All I know is you held the door_

_You'll be mine and I'll be yours_

_All I know since yesterday is everything has changed_

__The smile at this point would not leave your face, you turned up the volume and closed your eyes. Feeling the beat and listening in as a male voice joined in __

_And all my walls stood tall painted blue_

_And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you_

You where grinning ear to ear like a dumb as the chorus went again, and this time you were singing along until it ended.

_Come back and tell me why_

_I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh._

_And meet me there tonight_

_And let me know that it's not all in my mind._

you blinked back the surprising threat of tears, taking a deep breath and turned the volume a little higher, letting the song surround you completely.

_You'll be mine and I'll be yours_

_All I know since yesterday is everything has changed_

the song finished out, and you quickly turned the song on repeat. You sighed, feeling the butterflies fill your stomach and a smile so big on your face it hurt. Thinking about the last line, you whispered to the the harmony of the song  
"It certainly has" before pulling out and driving home.


	12. Wheres Bro(I'm Sorry)

John POV

You sat on the counter at starbucks, your long legs and socks clad feet tucked against your chest. you leaned back against the wall behind you and let out a breathy sigh, a smile on your face. Feferi was waving the last customer out the door as Eridan pretended to look busy. As soon as they had made it into the parking lot, Feferi locked the doors and dropped the shades. skipping over to the counter you were on, she kicked off her shoes and climbed up too. She leaned against the cash register and stuck her tongue out at Eridan who was making a big batch of hot chocolate for the three of you.  
"So, before Eri gets a chance to talk about Sollux anymore today" she giggled and he frowned  
"I can't help it, he is just vvery annoying" he huffed  
"Yes, but you love him and you know it" you added, He made a gesture as if to say this was obvious before turning back to the beverage machine.  
"but anyway, how are you and Dirk?" she asked, stretching her legs out and tucking her feet between the counter and your thigh. You ran your hands through your hair and tried to fight the grin the made it's way onto your face.  
"We are fantastic, I didn't think I would really like anyone this much since, well, you know who"  
"She who shall not be named" Eridan Commented, handing you both your cups and hopping onto the counter between you, kicking off his boots before scooting back. Feferi adjusted her legs so they were over his lap and you were still keeping her feet warm.  
"Correct" you said, your brain flashing back slightly to Vriska before the thought was battered away with the memory of Dirk's voice  
"I really care about him, he's so amazing and talented and I really wanna tell him that i'm in love with him but would that be weird?" the word vomit continued as your voice raised at the end, offering the question. Eridan rolled his eyes and Feferi squealed and clapped her hands together, almost knocking over her drink.

"of course it's wwouldn't be wweird, if you lovve him you should tell him, simple." he shrugged, taking a sip of his drink, Feferi nodded aggressively  
"I think you should tell him, but you should do it in a way that will be even more unforgettable" Both you and Eridan stared at her waiting for her to explain.  
"Wow, you two have no romantic imagination, hokay, do something like have a picnic out under the stars sometime and tell him there, or fill his room with soda bottles that say i love you or somefin" she said, twisting her long hair around her fingers.  
"that's a good idea, in general. I'll definitely have to think of something awesome like that" you said, Feferi smiled before taking another sip.  
"Just remember John, If he breaks your heart" she began, You smiled and took a deep breath  
"I'll break his arms" the three of you said in unision . Feferi giggled and shrugged  
"Just sayfin"

~two days later~

Dirk POV

You sat at your window, watching the snow gently drift down to the ground. Roxy flung open your door and positioned herself in your lap, taking your drink out of your hand and taking a long drink before handing it back to you.  
"Get Dressed" she said, smacking her hand at your pajamas  
You shuffled around so your drink was set on the floor and you hard wrapped your arms around Roxy and rested your chin on her shoulder, Neon pink eyes staring down Orange.  
"What for"  
"Because, we be going out" You raised your eyebrow, choosing to ignore her choice of words, being far used to it from your best friend.  
"Dirk, I know who's birthday it is, I thought it would be nice to stop by and see him, like we used to, we haven't gone in a few years" She said, running her fingers through your hair. You sighed against her sweater and nodded, letting go of her so she could scoot off your lap.  
"I'll be in the hall Dirky" she said, leaning over to plant a kiss on your forehead. Shutting your bedroom door behind her, you stood up and wiggled into some clean jeans, Orange of course, and a black hoodie. Slipping on your boots, you opened the door and found roxy staring down at her phone, fingers moving a mile a minute.  
"Who you textin?" you ask, she jumps a little when you speak, she dropped her phone into her purse and slung it over her shoulder.  
"Just texting Janey, she wanted to know where are we gonna have Jake's birthday memorial next week.  
"Oh" was all you said, following Roxy out the door and into the car. You took a deep breath and buckled your seat belt. Roxy squeezed your hand as she started the car and pulled away from her house. You talked back and forth very little on the drive a few cities over, and after an hour, she finally pulled onto the hill and parked. Clinging onto as much heat from the car as you both could, you stepped out into the now heavily falling snow, Clasping Roxy's hand, the two of you walked down several rows on engraved rocks before finding the area you wanted. It took you two seconds to find the one you wanted, and you walked over to it. Brushing the snow of ot the top. Roxy laid out the blanket she had been carrying and the two of you sat down.  
"Hey Bro"you said, Roxy leaned against you  
She leaned forward and tracked her lithe fingers over the engraved words

DERRICK DAVID STRIDER  
OCTOBER 29TH 1984-JUNE 18TH 2005

You smiled as you thought about Bro, he had done everything he could to Raise you and Dave, and you missed him like crazy. The picture of all three of you where still your background, Dave's too, if you remeber right. You sighed  
"I guess Striders really aren't invincible" you said, Roxy nodded, you two weren't related, but he was just as much her Bro as he was yours.  
"yeah, but try telling that to Bro on halloween when he got the pirate costume on" she laughed softly at the memory, and you couldn't help but smile. Bro went as a Pirate every year that you could remember. You sat there for a few more minutes before the sound of snow crunching under shoes crackled behind you. You both turned around to see Rose, dressed in a black skirt and jade green sweater, holding a batch of Orange flowers in her gloved hands. She smiled, her purple eyes growing a little wider when she caught sight of you two. She placed the flowers on top of the stone and kissed the rock, leaving a black lipstick smudge, before turning around and hugging Roxy. Roxy opened her arms and held her her little sister for a moment before Rose turned and hugged you. you hugged her back, before scooting over on the blanket so she could sit between the two of you.  
"I wasn't expecting the two of you to be here today" she said calmly, staring ahead at the rock  
"It's been a while, yeah" you mumbled, blinking back the sudden weight behind your eyes.  
"Do you guys remember" Roxy piped from the other side of Rose  
"When Bro ate so much chicken that he refused to move for a whole two days" she finished, making the both of you laugh at the memory of Bro laying on the table, arms stretched out in front of him, refusing to move and refusing to admit that he ate too much.  
"Or the time that he sewed the smuppet to his shirt by mistake, and he didn't realize it until the thing was complete" the three of you laughed, small warmth growing inside your stomachs.  
A tear slipped down Roxy's cheek and the look in Rose's eyes made you dangerously close to tears yourself.  
"I can hear him now, "Stop that crying, Rox, ain't nothing a Strilonde can't handle"" You mimicked his drawl and wish you hadn't, because soon the tears slipped down your face too. Seeing you cry broke Rose's resolve, she held a hand of yours and Roxy's as she began to cry. You wrapped an arm over her shoulder and held Roxy's other hand as the three of you cried, all missing the man who did so much for you.  
"Out of all the things to kill Bro, I doubt anyone ever figured it would something like a car crash, my bet was he was either immortal or it would be a horde of rabid birds" you said, making the girls hiccup laugh  
"I figured he would have forgotten about stashing swords or a massive amount of puppets somewhere and opened the door and bam, but yeah, i get what you mean"  
Roxy replied, Rose smiled and wiped at her eyes.  
"Same" she said, standing up, the three of you walked back to Roxy's car, you could see Rose's car parked a little ways away, and in between rose's and her sisters car, sat a little blue vehicle you would recognize anywhere. Before you could voice this, you heard your name in the distance.  
"Dirk!" you turned to see John waving his hands in the air exceedingly, he was followed by a man in a white suit and fedora. John reached you as wrapped his arms around you. You leaned down and kissed him on the mouth, he giggled and touched your cheek, frowning when he noticed it was wet, John wiped at the still drying tears on your face.  
"you okay?" he asked, whispering. The man reached the two of you just then and stuck his hand out towards you.  
"You must be Dirk, I'm John's father" he said, you shook his hand, John turned around and hugged Rose and Roxy.  
"Pleasure to see you again " Rose said from her hug.  
"You too, miss Lalonde, ah, sorry, miss Llondes" he corrected, tipping his hat to Roxy.  
"Good to see you too"  
"We were just about to go out to eat, we stopped by to John's Nanna before we went, it's her birthday today and we come by every year." John's father said, Roxy agreed and Rose and you had no choice but to agree with the look John gave you. This was going to be interesting.


	13. Love is a weird thing

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div id="summary" class="summary module" style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0.643em; position: relative; width: auto; float: none; min-height: 5em;"  
blockquote class="userstuff" style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 1em; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0.643em; padding: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; word-wrap: break-word;"  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"The last of this story, despite it''s loooooooooooooonnn update absence./p  
/blockquote  
/div  
/div  
div class="userstuff module" style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; width: 1088.625px; float: none; word-wrap: break-word; color: #2a2a2a; line-height: 19.4443206787109px;"  
h3 id="work" class="landmark heading" style="border-width: 0px 0px 0.25em; border-bottom-style: double; border-bottom-color: #333333; outline: 0px; font-weight: 500; font-style: inherit; font-size: 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0.125em; line-height: 0; opacity: 0; height: 0px; clear: both; color: transparent;"Chapter Text/h3  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"It was three months later, You were laying on the roof of your apartment building, looking at the miles of city lights that stretched out before you when you heard the door open. John's figure slid out of the darkness, glancing around until he spotted you. Making his way over you gestured for him to lay down with you. He sat down and adjusted himself so he was laying against your chest, both of you looking out over the city. Enjoying the wind the traveled over the building. br /"Roxy said you would be up here" he said to you, wrapping an arm around him and holding him closer. br /"Yeah, I like the city lights when i'm nervous, reminds me of Houston" you whispered to him. He turned his head and blue met orange. His face twisted in confusion. br /"Why are you nervous?" you didn't answer him, but instead took a long inhale and slid your glasses off. You know even by the sea of streetlights below he could see the vibrant orange colour. Leaning down, you connected your mouth to his, which he happily returned. You two kissed until the need for air become more important, breaking away, you rested your forehead against his. Blue and Orange, you decided at that moment, is your favorite combination of colors. br /"I love you Dirk" he whispered against the air. Smiling as joy welled up inside you, you kissed a light kiss on his foreheard br /"I love you too John"br /And you two sat like that for several hours before Roxy and Dave appeared with a large bag of Taco Bell, and the four of you sat on the roof top, eating burritos and making up stories for the people in the cars below. You glanced at you Brother who was laughing with John, and at Roxy who caught your eyes and smiled back before reaching over and hooking your pinkies together. Jake was right, it is a good life, you just have be ready /p  
/div 


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